Ink sinks the Pink

I am stuck at the Honda dealership waiting for my car to be serviced. When the service guy asked me how many "clicks" it had done I realised I had no idea, panicked and said -- slightly misogynistically but trying to cover up -- "dunno mate" (I like to put on a blokey voice at such times). "It's the wife's car, I never drive it, I'm just bringing it in for a service".

This piece of stereotyping was music to his ears and I then was treated to a five minute rant about how "it's always her car until something goes wrong or it needs petrol putting in it".

Anyway, while waiting I wrote some fragments of a new song about Pink. They have a free coffee machine in the dealership and I have taken full advantage. Consequently I am a little jumpy.

The diss song is an important part of any hip hop posse's artillery. We don't really have a diss song (unless I have misconstrued the hidden meanings in Tracy Says). Although I sometimes wonder whether Mrs Bun is not indeed quite harsh on Mr Bun.

If anyone needs a good diss, it is surely Pink. Fuck her, to be honest. I hope she sees this, fires back on stage and buys into a career-making public slanging match with Squid Ink.

10,000K Service

Man that Pink really knows how to party,
hot rock chick rocks out like Fugazi.
All of the dudes in my book club have seen her,
18 nights at Rod Laver Arena.

She's so crazy when she cuts loose.
Like Jessica Simpson but more obtuse.
Like Beyonce but short and not black,
with more tattoos and not such a nice rack.

I think her boyfriend's famous, but I don't really know
She puts on one hell of a show.
There's singing and shouting and even some dance
She's like Lady Gaga but wearing some pants

chorus:
Sometimes I feel old when I rage about these things
I don't even really know what Lady Gaga sings

She's got spunk and a bad attitude
in certain lights she looks like a dude.
She's a rebel and a punk and she's born to be bad
She in an annoying Optus ad.

She sells herself better than PT Barnum,
Melbourne loves her like Germany loves Farnham.
I hate you pink and I hope you die.
Painfully, soon, and with no long goodbye.