Monday, July 20, 2009

Ink sinks the Pink

I am stuck at the Honda dealership waiting for my car to be serviced. When the service guy asked me how many "clicks" it had done I realised I had no idea, panicked and said -- slightly misogynistically but trying to cover up -- "dunno mate" (I like to put on a blokey voice at such times). "It's the wife's car, I never drive it, I'm just bringing it in for a service".

This piece of stereotyping was music to his ears and I then was treated to a five minute rant about how "it's always her car until something goes wrong or it needs petrol putting in it".

Anyway, while waiting I wrote some fragments of a new song about Pink. They have a free coffee machine in the dealership and I have taken full advantage. Consequently I am a little jumpy.

The diss song is an important part of any hip hop posse's artillery. We don't really have a diss song (unless I have misconstrued the hidden meanings in Tracy Says). Although I sometimes wonder whether Mrs Bun is not indeed quite harsh on Mr Bun.

If anyone needs a good diss, it is surely Pink. Fuck her, to be honest. I hope she sees this, fires back on stage and buys into a career-making public slanging match with Squid Ink.

10,000K Service

Man that Pink really knows how to party,
hot rock chick rocks out like Fugazi.
All of the dudes in my book club have seen her,
18 nights at Rod Laver Arena.

She's so crazy when she cuts loose.
Like Jessica Simpson but more obtuse.
Like Beyonce but short and not black,
with more tattoos and not such a nice rack.

I think her boyfriend's famous, but I don't really know
She puts on one hell of a show.
There's singing and shouting and even some dance
She's like Lady Gaga but wearing some pants

Sometimes I feel old when I rage about these things
I don't even really know what Lady Gaga sings

She's got spunk and a bad attitude
in certain lights she looks like a dude.
She's a rebel and a punk and she's born to be bad
She in an annoying Optus ad.

She sells herself better than PT Barnum,
Melbourne loves her like Germany loves Farnham.
I hate you pink and I hope you die.
Painfully, soon, and with no long goodbye.

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Blogger Andy Fuller said...

i enjoyed the show last night.
any chance of inviting a turntablist to perform with you guys?
is this diss song going to be squeezed into the songlist at the next gig?

20/7/09 11:35  
Blogger Unrelenting Tedium said...

First, I am glad Andy enjoyed the show. He earned himself a copy of the album for showing up. Second, no there will be no turntablist...I can do hate but I can't do electronica...I learned that when I hurt Crafty's feeling by taking Dr Rhythmn out to dinner instead of him.

Third, Silky you have talent. Hate I can do. And hate I often struggle to keep out of songs...I like that Lady Gaga makes two appearances and it is tres Gaga that she appears in the chorus and not Pink. Your genius though exposes itself fully in the second line "hot rock chick rocks out like Fugazi" you expose, taunt and mock Linda Perry for the repetition of Rock Star and her lazy inability to think of a word other than Rock. "Hot moves" would have been silly...

By the way, the song was, and is, Tracy Said as it is a song of remenisence...there is no present tense for the narrator and Tracy (the tears fall to my keyboard as I type).

21/7/09 08:44  
Blogger silky-D said...

some clarifications...

1. I really do not know what lady Gaga sings, all I know is that she does not wear pants. I take this as a sign that I have lost touch with the peloton that is they young people's zeitgeist. I'm not sure when it happened.

2. I am not really in a book club as book clubs are lame.

3. Yep, UT, I pretty much just wanted to rhyme "knows how to party" with "rocks out like Fugazi" the rest of the song is just bolted on as an afterthought.

21/7/09 09:51  
Blogger silky-D said...

4. The Essendon Honda dealership is a very comfortable place for songwriting, they have free food and drink, internet access, comfy chairs and plenty of Honda-themed reading material.

I wonder if this is where Brian Wilson wrote the under-rated Beach Boys song "Little Honda."

21/7/09 15:35  
Blogger Andy Fuller said...

pardon my wanton ignorance, but is a skwid inc member writing for the age?
and, modern doug unrelenting, merci for the cd. i've put it to good use.

22/7/09 14:48  
Blogger Dan said...

shhhhhhh Andy.

Have not yet unveiled Michelle Grattan as our new backing singer and the suits at Slippery Puppy Records want us to keep it under wraps till the launch party.

23/7/09 12:00  
Blogger Unrelenting Tedium said...

I cannot believe we managed to pinch M.Grat from Pink's P-Unit dancers. It must be 'cause we know how to party.

23/7/09 12:58  
Blogger Andy Fuller said...

hahahahahaha. MG is wikid!!!! when will the launch be???!?!?!? i'll keep it hush hush hush nice and lush.

23/7/09 23:58  

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